Friday, October 31, 2014

Friday Weigh-in Post....5 years and counting

Last Weeks Weight 172.0
Today's Weight  170.0
Total Loss:  -2 lb

It's been 5 years now since I began my blog.  I was preparing for lapband surgery and had visions of  the perfect body with no work or sweat.  I really thought I had done my research and that WLS was my absolute answer to 50 years of yoyo dieting.  I still didn't comprehend that WLS is only a tool and that it still required constant work and struggles.

I spent today looking back through my past October blog posts.  It was interesting to see where I was at this same time-frame over the last 5 years.  My lowest weight was when I was one year post op from the band.  Everything was rosy until......the band complications started and i ended up with an unfill...then another...until I had an empty band, pain and ended up back at the beginning of my journey.

What have I learned?  Even the sleeve is not my absolute answer.  Granted I cannot eat as much, but I can still choose the wrong foods.  The sleeve did not magically give me unlimited energy and drive to exercise.  Exercising is a decision I have to make on my own every single day.  Many days I wake up with the same excuses for not exercising that I had prior to surgery.

I think I will always have to be vigilant and aware.  Weighing myself everyday is stressful but I think I need that stress, not knowing the damage I am doing by making poor choices does me no good.  Now I weigh myself each morning, good or bad numbers, at least I cannot hide from it.  

In 2013, I was 195 lbs and struggling with going low carb 
 "fell off the path to healthy this week.  I am trying so hard to dust myself off and continue.  I need to remember this is a lifelong journey and I will not be perfect all the time.  In my quest to remove grains from my diet, I have discontinued having bread in the house (much to Hubby's dismay).  Giving up grains is really hard...the cravings are enormous and always there.  I was not perfect, I had popcorn at a movie theatre and I had some wheat thins. "

In 2012, I was 202.5 lbs and didn't even bother to post the whole year, never a good sign.

In 2011, I was 178 lbs and I was struggling with my band and discussing revision surgery.
I am pretty much on my own again in my quest for a healthier me.  I can no longer tolerate fills so what I have now is pretty much it.   I have not been getting much love from my band in almost a year.  My surgeon wants to remove it all together due to my reflux problems.  So its time for me to face life without the band.  Revision surgery to the sleeve is an option but, I don't wish to self pay and insurance would require removing my band, gaining back all my previous weight and then a 6 month supervised diet." 
In 2010, I was 158 lbs and recouperating from knee surgery
"Today was my 3rd post-op physical therapy appt. I was in so much knee pain, I had to take two painkillers when I returned home. The exercises seems so simple that I thought he was being too gentle on me. NOT! Calorie wise I have been successful at keeping @ or below 1200. I still get hungry & can eat far too much. I made an appt for a teeny tiny fill next week."

In 2009, I was 187 lbs and just starting my blog and this journey to a healthy lifestyle. 
 It was also when I had my lapband surgery.  I had lost 20 lbs that first month and was struggling with learning to eat healthy.

Friday, October 24, 2014

Friday Weigh-In....Is this the end?

Last Weeks Weight 172.0
Today's Weight  172.0
Total Loss:  0 lbs

The longest stall of my life continues.  I am seriously convinced that this is where I will stay.  Perhaps my body will never let go of any further weight.  Now I am worried that the "maintaining" part may turn into gaining if I am not careful.

I think I can be happy at the weight I am.  I am the healthiest I have been in years and I like how I look in clothes.  But, I somehow think I should have lost more.  I read posts from others who at the same point in their journey and they have lost so much more than me.  I try not to compare my journey to anyone else's but I can't help but feel those old feelings of another failure.  

I know that I could live the rest of my life at this weight and be healthy.  I am tired of the struggle.  I am tired of the measuring and logging of foods.  I am tired of thinking about my weight, dieting has been such a huge part of my adult life and I would like to stop thinking about it now.

I am seriously frustrated but I know that now, more than ever, I need to continue blogging my way past this!

Friday, October 3, 2014

Friday Weigh-In

Last Weeks Weight 172.0
Today's Weight  171.0
Total Loss:  -1.0 lbs

It is difficult to write todays post and keep it upbeat.  I'm fighting deep inner frustration at the slow crawl of my weightloss journey.  I have been so close to the 160's for a very long time now and the scale just will not move.  I am trying desperately to trust the process and not give in to the urge to "diet".  Dieting is no longer an option, eating healthy and exercising is the only route I am willing to take.  I refuse to give into starvation diets or eating fake food.  It is so hard to keep looking to the future when I seem to be stuck in one place. 

Fall is here, Fall always makes me feel renewed.  I love long walks when its cooler outside instead of melting from the everyday humidity that comes from living on the beautiful gulf coast.

I am going to try harder to adhere to the simple basics of eating healthy, exercising and logging into MFP every single time. That is all!