Today is all clear liquids with nothing after midnight in preparation for surgery. My thoughts are all over the place as I prepare for it. Earlier today I was angry with myself for getting a LapBand in the first place. Why did I do this to myself? Why can't I just push away from the table and stop gaining weight? I will be 55 years old this summer and still cannot control my addiction to food. What is wrong with me?
Later during the day, my thoughts were more along the line of .....why did I cancel my sleeve surgery after jumping through so many hoops to get insurance approval? I have been battling my weight since I was 15 years old. Up & down like a yo-yo. What makes me think that I will be better off trying to lose weight on my own now than I was in the last 40 years of my life? I have gained and lost 50 pounds more times than I can count. Perhaps I am just doomed to die from diabetes complications like my Mother and Grandmother.
Alas, my choice has been made and I will have no choice but to try my best to get back to a healthy weight and to exercise on my own. Eating properly is not my only obstacle. I need to get off the couch and move my azz or nothing good will come of my life.
I will keep on keeping on and pray for God to give me the strength and willpower to change my lifestyle...it is all that I can do.