Writing about fears, feelings and worries on my blog has helped to relieve some of the stress from my life. To be quite honest, it still surprises me to find people who are interested in reading about my very ordinary life. I don't blog for money or give away free crap to make people read, because it honestly doesn't matter if people read it or not. Although I have certainly appreciated all the tips and ideas that we exchange in blog land, as long as it continues to be a source of comfort to me, all is good. I appreciate all my followers and the help you have given me along my journey. THANKS!
Today is the last day of August, this day last year I was shopping for supplies, like I had done dozens of times in the past. You know the drill, pick out the newest fad diet out there, go to the store and buy all that special foods it requires and get ready to D.I.E.T. This time it was different, although the pre-opt liquid diet was temporary, the road beyond that was etched in stone. I remember going to buy all the liquids, jello, Popsicles, soups and protein powders with my mind full of determination.
I did not decide on WLS quickly. It took more than a year from the time I first started researching the different types of surgeries out there until finally attending a seminar. After that it was another 8 months before I decided on my band and received a surgery day. IT WAS NOT AN EASY DECISION.
Surgeries scare the hell out of me. I have had others in past and never do well with anesthesia. I have experienced difficult times with breathing and heart rate. Having Lap-Band surgery was a true risk for my life. I weighed the chance of death from anesthesia against my life as an obese person and my future life as a diabetic with heart disease. I have never regretted my decision to be banded. My only regret is that I didn't do it sooner.
Today I have another surgery in my near future on my knee and I am scared out of my wits. My husband knows I have these feelings before every surgery and he keeps telling me I am worried about nothing. I certainly do not think of any surgery involving anesthesia or its complications, to be nothing. All surgeries have risks of making the problem worse and that scares me alot. I would hate to lose any of my mobility. What will I do if I recover from this surgery in more pain than I am already in? What will I do if I lose even more of my mobility and find myself unable to do the things I can do now? I can walk now, but usually in great pain afterwards, I cannot go up hill or use a bike without pain. I have talked with my surgeon about this surgery and of course he cannot make guarantees, no surgeon can. But he does recommend that I have this surgery because without it, my pain will never diminish.
I am very near my goal weight right now and my future is brighter than it has been in a long time. Maintenance will be the big challenge. I have lost this weight before only to gain it back with friends. I have made some positive changes in my lifestyle and my diet that I hope will keep that weight from coming back this time.