Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Past and Present

Writing about fears, feelings and worries on my blog has helped  to relieve some of the stress from my life.  To be quite honest, it still surprises me to find people who are interested in reading about  my very ordinary life.  I don't blog for money or give away free crap to make people read, because it honestly doesn't matter if people read it or not.  Although I have certainly appreciated all the tips and ideas that we exchange in blog land, as long as it continues to be a source of comfort to me, all is good.  I appreciate all my followers and the help you have given me along my journey. THANKS!

Today is the last day of August, this day last year I was shopping for supplies,  like I had done dozens of times in the past.  You know the drill, pick out the newest fad diet out there, go to the store and buy all that special foods it requires and get ready to D.I.E.T.  This time it was different, although the pre-opt liquid diet was temporary, the road beyond that was etched in stone.  I remember going to buy all the liquids, jello, Popsicles, soups and protein powders with my mind full of determination. 

I did not decide on WLS quickly.  It took more than a year from the time I first started researching the different types of surgeries out there until finally attending a seminar.  After that it was another 8 months before I decided on my band and received a surgery day.  IT WAS NOT AN EASY DECISION.

Surgeries scare the hell out of me.  I have had others in past and never do well with anesthesia.  I have experienced difficult times with breathing and heart rate.  Having Lap-Band surgery was a true risk for my life.   I weighed the chance of death from anesthesia against my life as an obese person and my future life as a diabetic with heart disease.  I have never regretted my decision to be banded.  My only regret is that I didn't do it sooner.

Today I have another surgery in my near future on my knee and I am scared out of my wits.  My husband knows I have these feelings before every surgery and he keeps telling me I am worried about nothing.  I certainly do not think of any surgery involving anesthesia or its complications, to be nothing.   All surgeries have risks of making the problem worse and that scares me alot.  I would hate to lose any of my mobility.  What will I do if I recover from this surgery in more pain than I am already in?  What will I do if I lose even more of my mobility and find myself unable to do the things I can do now?  I can walk now, but usually in great pain afterwards, I cannot go up hill or use a bike without pain.  I have talked with my surgeon about this surgery and of course he cannot make guarantees, no surgeon can.  But he does recommend that I have this surgery because without it, my pain will never diminish.

I am very near my goal weight right now and my future is brighter than it has been in a long time.  Maintenance will be the big challenge.  I have lost this weight before only to gain it back with friends.  I have made some positive changes in my lifestyle and my diet that I hope will keep that weight from coming back this time.

Thursday, August 26, 2010

Remembering why

Patrick's comment on my post yesterday made me think back to a year ago when I was so excited & full of hope for my new healthier lifestyle goals. He advised me to consider what gave me my Mojo. The reasons for my determination & drive? Mainly,  my grandchildren.  I picture my oldest sister who is suffering from complication of diabetes & heart disease. She is 8 years older, do I want her quality of life? She can barely walk, seldom leaves her home & is missing out on so many important moments in her family's lives. Of course my answer is OH HELL NO!

Therein lies my drive, my reasons. I need to keep reminding myself of those reasons. Tracking my foods & exercise is slowly getting my majo back & my head in the game. Today, my husband took me to lunch, although my head was screaming at me "eat more" I ate 3 shrimp , a taste of yummy potato salad & a small piece of catfish. I could have easily eaten much more. The key was being aware & not letting emotional eating take control.

The Go-Chica-Go Challenge - Walking - 3.8 miles

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Where did it go?

I have been struggling this week to get my mojo back.  I started logging my foods and find that I am back up to 1200 calories, I haven't been above 1000 in a very long time.  It is amazing the a .1cc unfill can increase my hunger this much.  It is what it is, however.  I have to learn to make this fill amount work since it has eliminated my reflux problems.  I need to make smarter choices.  After my knee surgery it will be even more important to keep my food choices healthy.  I am forcing myself to weigh each day and log my foods until my Mojo returns :)


The Go-Chica-Go Challenge - Wii Step Aerobics - 30 mins

Sunday, August 22, 2010

WTH???

Today has been one of the worst days I have had since being banded. My eating was totally out of control. I am shocked at how easily I can allow myself to slip back into old habits after nearly a year of staying on the course of a healthy lifestyle. How easy it has been to convince myself that I have kicked my food addiction. It is still there, hidden... Waiting to take control. I understand now that being banded is a necessary part of my life both now & for the rest of my life.

I definitely logged everything today but tracking did nothing to stop me from grazing. I am amazed at how more I can eat following that tiny unfill I had (.1cc). How can such a tiny adjustment make such a difference ?

In the spirit of full disclosure & accountability here is my food intake today .

1/2 of a omelet, incl. 1-egg, mushrooms, 1-turkey link, onions, sprinkle of low fat shredded cheese. (saved other 1/2 in fridge)
1-slice toast w 1-tsp smart balance spread
1/2 plum
2 cup chicken ceasar salad
toppings from one pepperoni pizza
4 bites of a brownie
3 bite sized butterfingers

Saturday, August 21, 2010

Just Do it!

When I was in my 30's, I would vision life after retirement.  I could see myself traveling to all those parts of the world I always wanted.  I saw myself fit and vibrant, no limits due to physical inabilities.  Every time I thought about being a 30 yr old obese couch potato, I would tell myself there was plenty of time for me to lose it.  I would lose the weight after my daughter married, I didn't.  Then it was after my grandchildren were born, I didn't.  Finally it was after retirement, while I am not exactly where I am want to be there, I'm very close. 

The problem?  I waited too long.  Years of unhealthy eating and a sedentary lifestyle has taken it's toll on my body.  While I may have avoided Diabetes (time will tell), I still have hypertension and really bad knees.  I realize I started this journey at a lower BMI than some, but my journey has been tough.  I also realize this is most likely my last chance to beat obesity.  I must make the band work for me.

My surgeon says it is very important that I build my muscles and make them as strong as possible before my knee surgery.  I am going to have to begin tracking my food and water intake again to assure I am getting enough protein.  While I don't intend or want to track, for the next couple of months, I must.  Strength training on my legs 3x weekly will also be a must.

Those of you who took that big step to be banded younger, I applaud you for making your future retirement years healthier!

The Go-Chica-Go Challenge - Walking 3.7 miles

Friday, August 20, 2010

Day 1

My healthy eating needs some attention. I am more aware of my hunger increasing since my unfill a few days ago. I found myself munching on Doritos today and promptly threw the entire bag into the garbage to keep from letting it get out hand. It wasn't real hunger, it was head hunger and I still need alot of work on my grazing.

My fitness got off to a great first day for the The Go-Chica-Go Challenge. I began with a 3.5 mile walk earlier in the day. After the grazing incident, I went to the gym to keep my mind off the snacking. I did 20 minutes on the elliptical and worked out my legs. My doc says I must make my leg muscles as strong as possible before my surgery, it will help with recovery.

I have made wonderful use of my iPhone in my journey. I added the Loseit! app to track my foods. I don't track very often any longer, now and then I will use it to monitor my intake. The second app I added is Runkeeper, it measures my distance/speed/calories of my walks. Today I added a third app called Gym Buddy for tracking my gym workouts, weights and reps. Try them if you have an iPhone!

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Consequences of Obesity

I have alot to blog about today. First, I want to thank everyone for the kind words of encouragement on my last post. It was the first time I truly enjoyed shopping for clothing in many, many years. I am still not at my goal weight so I am still being very frugal about new clothing purchases. I want my weight to stablize before I start refilling my closet, only buying as necessary for now.

Yesterday I had an appt with my NP. I am still having a slight heartburn problem so after talking it over with her we decided to try a tiny unfill (.1cc) putting me @ 7.1cc in my 10cc band. If this dosen't give me some relief I will go back for more.

I received other news that is not as pleasant. I have been having knee pain for quite sometime. Combination of aging & having to carry all that extra fat all this time has caused irreversible damage to my right knee. I am finally agreeing to do this surgery. It is going to require a very long recouperation & rehab. I scheduled it after BOOBS. I also plan to use this time to strengthen my leg muscles as much as possible till then because doc says it will make rehab quicker.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Little tiny News!

OMG Who Knew? I found out something very exciting today, I have a waist! A Cute tiny waist, Who knew! Covered under all that flab and fat was an honest goodness waist hiding and even hip bones :)

Today I went shopping for a LBD. All of my clothes are just way too baggy now and I could not hold off on shopping much longer. As soon as I entered the women department I was hit with a back flash from last year. I had just been banded and was shopping for a cruise I going on within a month. I was almost in tears as I tried on clothes trying to find something that fit and didn't make me look like a sausage. All the cute clothes were all too small and what did fit seemed very outdated, not fashionable at all.

Fast Forward to today, I was trying on 8's and 10's! I absolutely loved shopping this time. I have been putting off doing any shopping, settling instead for forgotten clothes in the back of my closet I had gotten too fat to wear. This was the first real shopping I have done since being banded. Here is a quick pic I took of me, my waist and my LBD.



I think I may even wear it in Chicago.

Sunday, August 15, 2010

Are you talkin to me?


Leave it to Drazil to come up with the perfect countdown to Chicago B.O.O.B.S!   The Go-Chica-Go Challenge is the perfect answer to keep me pumped and focused over next 5 weeks.  If you have not already joined th chaollenge, please do!  20 minutes of exercise per day is nothing for us, I am also going to sign up with the mile challenge.  Even if you are not going to Chicago or don't have a clue what B.O.O.B.S. is about, it is still an awesome focus challenge for everyone. Thank you Drazil!

Friday, August 13, 2010

B.O.O.B.S. I am so there!

I am booked for the Chicago.  I have the "Ding" app for Southwest Airlines on my iphone and I got a great rate of only $83 from New Orleans. I am very excited about meeting every one!

TGIF GIFT!

I received the best TGIF gift I could have asked for, from Mr. Scale!  He blessed me with 159# this morning.   This was really unexpected because this week has not been my best in the fitness area.  My healthy eating was good this week, even with my Granddaughter's birthday party.  I was able to indulge in my piece of birthday cake and still lose weight! 

My Bandiversary is a little over a month a way.  I am still 9 pounds from my goal weight, but this does meet another giant goal for me....50 POUNDS!

Goodbye 160's, Hello 150's!

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Who are we anyway?

I feel that since my lap band surgery, I am different when it comes to my approach to weight loss from those who are not banded. Once I passed through bandster hell and my band began to do its job, I separated from the normal everyday dieter. No longer is it necessary to eat "diet foods", count calories, portions, and there are no forbidden foods. As long as I am properly restricted, my band will not allow me to eat huge portions without consequences. As long as I get in the protein recommended by my diet, I don't worry about the rest. Normally by the time I finish eating my protein, I have very little room left for anything else.

It is difficult for other people in my life to understand when I refuse to eat "diet" food but allow myself cake at a birthday party. To them being on a diet means eating salads, 100 calorie snack packs and never eating normal meals. I can have what everyone else is eating, just less. I have a few blogs that I read that are wonderful success stories about losing weight on their own. I applaud them for doing whatever it is that works. For me dieting, counting calories, Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig, exercising until I faint just did not work. I am quite content with my progress.

If we knew  all the answers, never made mistakes and had our head issues conquered, we wouldn't have needed the band.

Have a blessed Tuesday everyone!

Monday, August 9, 2010

Family Affairs

Yesterday was my youngest Granddaughter's 6th birthday party. She wanted it to have it at Chuck E Cheese and she had a wonderful time. I was somewhat disappointed in our family (both sides). Katrina has scattered our family further apart than we used to be. Still, I expect those family members, especially the ones with children to attend these birthday events. I am a Grandmother, but I have always gone out of my way to attend the birthday parties, showers & weddings of members of my family. If I have not been able to attend, my husband or daughter would attend in my place. Only two family members made it to the party out of approximately 15. We gave 3 phone number, email address and my facebook to RSVP and not one of bothered to do so. I was sad for my granddaughter, she is a sweet child. We have always been proud of our tight knit family but now I wonder if this will also be a casualty of Katrina. A couple of her good friends came from school and she had a great time playing with them so she hardly noticed the others did not attend. That is what was important in the end.
I didn't walk yesterday and while I did not make perfect choices yesterday, I did OK considering I was at a birthday party. I had no breakfast, a small amount of salad @ the party, a slice of pizza and couple bites of ice cream w/cake. I had nothing for supper, I was honestly not hungry. I was busy co hosting the party with my daughter and was on my feet moving constantly so I feel good about getting my exercise in. I was exhausted when we returned home.

This morning we are meeting for a financial planner, who knew retiring would require so much work! lol

Saturday, August 7, 2010

Crazy Saturday

Today was a normal busy Saturday with errands, kid activities and of course housework.  I did start the day off right with a nice long walk.  I brought the girls to our local Children's Museum and they had a great time, at least it was out of the scorching heat wave.  For lunch the girls wanted to eat Mexican so off we went.  I ordered a really poor choice (beef burrito with beans and rice).  When it got there, I ate the small amount of beans that were on the plate, tried to chew a piece of the beef and it was obvious to me that if I swallowed it, I would be in for some pain.  I discretely spit it into my dinner napkin and asked for a go container for the rest.  So far so good right?  Well by the time I got home with it, my "fat chick brain" decided one bite wouldn't hurt.  Later I pB'd the bite.  I should have just left the stuff on my plate at the restaurant.  When will I ever get my grazing under control? I definitely need to work on this area of my brain.  Mexican just never works out well for my new healthier eating.

Fitness~walked 3.5 miles bringing my total miles for August to 16.8 miles
Healthy eating ~ see above :(

Friday, August 6, 2010

Pity party is over

I let myself sit around the house for two days using my "bug" as a reason not to exercise. I have been around the diet/exercise world long enough to know that workouts do actually lessen recovery time when we are sick. The "fat chick" inside me is very good at finding an excuse not to exercise , I was weak for letting her have her way. This morning, I drank my cup of coffee and found myself sitting on the sofa. I had a stern talk with the fat chick, told her this was not going to turn into a week of no exercise! I put on my workout clothes and walked. Guess what? I honestly do feel better. The fresh (hot,humid) air helped get my head back into the game. I also doubled my vitamins yesterday and today.

I am still having some knee pain towards the end of my walks, its mostly felt when I encounter hills. I decided to add elations to my diet. I bought enough to drink one a day for a month to see if I feel any difference. I used to take osteo bi flex pills before being banded, but I can not longer tolerate those horse pills now

Now I am onto some much needed housework and de-cluttering. Wishing you all a wonderful TGIF!

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Back to the future

Today I am officially back to my normal weight, before my cruise.  It took 4 days to lose it so I am sure it was water weight.  I did not do any walking yesterday or today because I picked up a bug.  I have been coughing and sneezing like crazy from it. Mucous always causes my band to be very very tight.  The good news is the loss of appetite from being sick.  I am feeling somewhat better today so I will try to complete a long walk tomorrow. 

My girls began their new school year today leaving me with some much needed peace and quiet.  They were both very excited to move up to Middle School and First Grade.  They certainly do not get as long a summer as we did.  I am only a month away from my bandiversary and I doubt I will reach my goal by then.  I am OK with it because I know the rest will come now that I am able to get more exercise in.

Monday, August 2, 2010

Bahamas & cruise tips

My cruise to the Bahamas was absolutely breathtaking! I have never seen water such a beautiful shade of blue.

The girls got a chance to interact with dolphins and they were thrilled.


For those of you who have not tried cruising with the band, here is how I handled it:  I avoided the buffet and ate all our meals in the Main Dining Room to avoid the temptation of piling or seconds. Portions are fairly small in the Dining Room and they usually offer a seafood option as well as chicken and steak. I ordered mostly seafood dishes and allowed myself a bite or two of dessert. I also had a glass of wine each night with my meal. The scale shows a gain of 3-4 lbs, but I am going to give me myself a week to lose the water weight before recording any gains. I think it is water weight due to salt water and more salt in food than I use at home.

August is a new month!

Fitness ~ I walked 2.4 miles yesterday, the heat was grueling.
Healthy Eating ~ Breakfast was an icy cold alpine punch protein drink, Lunch was a small chicken ceasar salad, supper was a little roast beef and a cup of Blue bunny ice cream.  I find the individual sized cups easier for me to control portions.