Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Feelin the Burn

I had my 7th fill back on June 15th.  It was a teeny tiny fill of only .2.  But apparently it was enough to give the most painful case of acid reflux that I have ever had.  I was experiencing night coughs so badly that I hardly slept.  At first I thought it might be foods that I was eating so I started keeping track of what I ate, then I stopped eating past 6:00pm.  Nothing helped.  I wasn't sure it was the fill at first because I really did not see problems with eating foods or drinking. It was just this dayum nightly acid reflux. I felt like my entire esophagus was on fire.

I finally went to see my fill NP today.  She said it is definitely from being too tight.  At first she wanted to remove just .1 instead of the whole .2 she had added.  But I decided I didn't want to take a chance of suffering during the long 4th of July weekend.  So now I am back to 7.2 again.   I guess I will find out tonight if it was enough.  If I still have it tonight and I have to go back tomorrow to have more unfill.  I hope that will not be necessary but I have heard too many stories of permanent esophagus scaring and band erosion from the acid.  I certainly don't want to have any of those problems.

Here is where I realized that I still have work to do inside my brain.  I was having good restriction, good weight loss and was willing to suffer this horrible pain to lose weight.  The reasoning side of my brain knew what needed to be done.  The emotional side of my brain was willing to risk all the possible health issues.  I am glad my reasoning side finally won the argument.  I am pleased with the results I have had with the band so far, now I need to continue to strive for my goals.  I can do this without endangering my health in the progress, after all improving my health was one of the main reasons I was banded.

Monday, June 21, 2010

Manic Mondays

Yesterday we had a wonderful Father's Day.  Two of our three children and all the grandchildren came over for a BBQ. Our son had to work so he was MIA. It was nice having a day with all our children.  I did have some Pb issues yesterday with steak.  I cut a very small piece of a steak and shared the rest with my husband.  I cut it all into tiny pieces, thought I was being careful.  I try to eat steak on rare occasions because it is just too much trouble.  I am trying to be cautious today.

Today I am lucky to have a peaceful day off work, I will spend it cleaning and weeding the garden.  Exercise has been sporadic at best this month.  My evenings are spent at swim team cheering for my girls.  By time I get home it is time dinner and bath time.  Just not enough hours in my day this month.  Swim team will be concluded after this weekend.   Thank goodness.

Saturday, June 19, 2010

Fathers Day Weekend

I am sitting here at midday with my glass of wine, peaceful, quiet, no stress. This is the way my weekend is starting. My daughter is off with her boyfriend for the weekend. My granddaughters are off on a girl scout trip to attend a Hot Air Balloon Festival and I have my house to myself.

This is such a rarity for me in the summer. My week usually begins with me going to work, coming home, running with the kids to various activities and collapsing at bedtime and repeat. I work one Saturday a month and the three remaining weekends are usually spent cleaning and running with kids in the summer just trying to keep up with them. By the time Sunday evening comes along, I'm exhausted and have to prepare for work on Monday. On and on it goes. As that song goes "Sounds like life to me". It is my life and I would not trade this time with my family (exhaustion included) for any amount of money. I feel blessed to be such a huge part of my granddaughter's lives. So many grandparents have only an occasional visit.

Still, a weekend of Peace and quiet is good for the soul :)

Tomorrow is Father's day. I have no clue what the children have in store for my husband. We just had a huge blow out party for his 60th birthday last weekend, so we are thinking just a little visit will be plenty, especially since we are quite content to enjoy our down time.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Fill #7 and NSV's

I had my first appt in over 3 1/2 months. My NP noticed my weightloss immediately, that was a NSV itself considering how many band patients she sees. She gave me a teeny tiny fill of .2 which brings me to 7.4. I am hoping not to see her for another 3 months or more :)

Sunday, we had a surprise birthday party for my Husband. We saw family members who had not seen me since the Christmas holidays. The congrats and compliments were great NSV'S. I have been on so many diets, losing big amounts of weight and gaining it back, no one even bothered to ask how I did it. I guess they all just assumed I was on another yo-yo diet, I was glad that I was not questioned.

We are headed on a 7 day cruise to the Bahamas with all our children and grandchildren the end of July, I would love to be down a little more by then, but my very slow weightloss is working well for me and I am content to keep on keepin on!

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

100 days

I cannot believe that I am only 100 days from my bandiversary.  If this had been one of my many fad diets, I would given into my frustrations with plateaus and feelings of deprivation months ago!  Instead,  it seems like I have just begun my journey. I cannot even imagine where this new life will lead me.

I have been through so many periods of waiting,  just trying to find the right fill levels. A couple times I was sure the band wasn't going to work for me. I don't enter weightloss challenges because I found that it would only heighten my frustrations when I didn't seem to lose as much as others. Everyone has to find what works for themselves. For me that meant no pressure, no timetables. Instead I weight myself each morning, each new low is recorded. Increases are not recorded unless it lasts more than a week.

I refuse to eat "diet foods". I try to make healthy choices, but I usually eat what everyone else has, within my own portion allowances. I have learned so much since being banded. Learned that occasional slips happen but if I forgive myself and continue on it rarely makes a difference.  I also learned the consequences of eating too much or too quickly.

My dream today would be to reach by goal weight by my bandiversary.  However, if I don't, I no longer doubt that it WILL happen.  I just need to be patient.

NSV: A coworker asked me this morning if my husband was going to go out and buy some weights to keep me from blowing away because I am losing so much weight. LOL

Monday, June 7, 2010

Tears for our homeland

My family had a fabulous condo booked @ Perdido Key, Florida. We have been praying that the awful oil spill would not make it to Florida. The front page of our newspaper shows an oil line along the beaches. We finally decided to cancel today because we just didn't want to deal with it. Here in Mississippi the beaches are starting to show tar balls and we have to deal with the smell..

It makes me cry...................

Saturday, June 5, 2010

This and That

I have discovered a wonderful thing about my blogging.  Less and less of my blogging entries are about the band, dieting and exercising.  I am discovering so many other beautiful parts of my life to write about.  Do you notice it too?  Are your struggles with weight issues are taking up less of your thoughts also?

This is not to say that I should not remain vigilant.  Weighing on Mr. Scale will be a daily occurance for the rest of my life.  I will never let pounds "creep" up on me.  If there is an extra pound on that scale, I am dayum sure gonna address it!  Why did it happen and do whatever needs to be done to correct it! 

I now have so much more time to spend thinking and blogging about joys of my life instead of  weight battles.  Anyone who follows my blog is sure to know that I absolutely LOVE being Grandma.  I have worked 32 years of my life and on the verge of retiring so that I can devote more time to my girls.  I have always been a working Mom, I missed out on so much pleasure with my own daughter.  Spoiling my grandchildren is my idea of fun.  They grow up so fast and before I am know it, hanging around Grandparents will no longer be cool.  Good thing I have 3 adult children, so I am sure I will have replacements!

My newfound healthy life is affording me so much time to explore new hobbies and interests!

My wish for today is that all banders will find themselves in this same place.  Today I realized that I have not counted calories, measured portions or stressed about exercising or dieting in over two months.  I don't have to think about it thanks to my band.


Happy Saturday to everyone!

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

MaintenanceVille

With 16lbs to lose before reaching my goal, I have been very apprehensive about moving into MaintenanceVille.  I have visited there on several diets, mostly my stay was very short before being evicted.  In all my previous dieting, Maintenance usually meant I was "Finished"  I had set a weightloss goal and achieved it and then..........I would begin eating all those foods I labeled as forbidden or not allowed, of course  I would usually give up on the exercise.  Sometimes the weight would creep back on slowly, other times I seemed to gain it back overnight.

I want this time to be different.  This is going to be the really hard part of my journey.  I have lost this weight before, the test will be when I move into the Town of MaintenanceVille.  I am trying to consider what I have done or will to make it a permanent move rather than a visit.

1)  I have my friend the band.  But I have questions about that also.  Do I continue with this tight restriction that is resulting in weight loss?  Do I get slight unfills so that I can have the freedom of adding the healthy foods that my band will not allow?  If I do an little unfill, will I have the willpower to use it wisely and not eat the UNHEALTHY foods ?  Right now most fresh fruits and chicken are no longer tolerated with my band.  Even salad is a rare treat right now, something I have be extremely careful chewing.   I really love fruit/salad and would like to add them back, but that would mean some unfilling.

2)  This journey is not supposed to be diet, meaning there is no 'FINISH"  I really do not weigh, measure or count calories any longer.  Does maintenance mean I will have to return to doing those things? UGHH, I hope not.

3)   I absolutely believe one important partner when living in MaintenanceVille, is MR. SCALE.  Those days when the weight seemed to creep back on, it didn't,  I just stopped paying attention.   Mr.Scale MAKES me pay attention, MAKES me stay aware.  He will have to be there to greet me each morning.

I am so scared now that my goal is within the near future.  I am scared of Maintenance.  Scared that I will not have the knowledge or confidence to live there.  I need to educate myself before I get there.  Learn from other banders who live there!

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Life is good

Memorial Day weekend was good.  Saturday, our oldest had a sleepover at a friends house so we brought the youngest to the beach for a couple hours.  I feel so fortunate living close to the water in the hot summer months.

So far we have seen no effects of that horrible oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico but I fear it is inpending and it makes me cry.

Sunday, My granddaughter Paige and I began our Veggie garden.  I am very much NOT a gardener, never have been.  Paige has been expressing an interest in how a plant grows and it is a grandmother's job to feed their curiosity :) 

Yesterday, my youngest had her first swimming lesson of this year and I let them swim a bit beforehand.  Later my husband cooked BBQ and it was delicious.  I carefully ate 1/2 of a small rib and a bite of broccoli and was nicely full.

Although my weight loss is slower than when I first began this journey, I am losing.  I am really not even trying any longer.  I try to eat my protein first at meals but other than that, I am eating my normal foods.  The difference is my band demands that I stop when I am full or face the consequences (Pbg).  That thought is enough to make me push away from the table LOL

I hope that everyone had a wonderful Memorial Weekend and expressed our gratiude to those in our armed forces who work so hard to protect us.