Thursday, October 1, 2009

Our own voices

Since the day I started my two week Pre-Op diet, I have gone 100% into my usual diet mode. All of my fellow banders are very familiar with my "diet mode". All of them started and ended the same for me. I pick the diet of the month/year and I buy all the allowed foods and then I start dieting & exercising. The first few days I lose my "water weight" and it doesn't take very long before that little fat voice in my head starts rationalizing cheating. "One piece of that chocolate cake at some one's birthday party will probably not show. I tell them to just give me very small piece." Then I start convincing myself that it isn't good for our bodies to exercise EVERY DAY, after all we have to give our MUSCLES time to heal. So I don't go to the gym or walk that day. Sometimes I have lost over 35 pounds before the little voice starts, and sometimes I will barely make through the first week (depending on the diet).

Up to today, my excitement at seeing my weight loss on the scale has kept that old voice at bay. Today, I am fighting that voice. I have walked every single morning since my first day of pre-Op diet, with the exception of the day before/after my surgery, and today? I let that little voice tell me I deserved a day off. No, I wasn't tired, my port or incisions were not hurting, I wasn't so busy that I didn't have time, I just DID NOT go. I'm scared! What if all this success that I have experienced is just the same ole same? I have struggled with my own inside voice all day to stay on my healthy eating. I have experienced hunger so much today, not real hunger, Brain hunger! Today, water is not working. Exercise is not working. The protein shakes are not working. I am going along on my own steam without any restriction until my first fill November 2nd and I am petrified that I will not be strong enough to make it that long!

1 comment:

  1. I am right there along with you! My first fill is 10/29. I am going to talk to him about moving it a little sooner...only want to do what's best though. I don't think I have much swelling now becaue I am hungry!!
    Just get back out there tomorrow and walk!! We can do it with a little help from our friend!!

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